Retro Review: Thunderbirds Are Go

 

Synopsis

Puppets, and the occasional real, human hand, try to prevent disaster.

Review

Spoliers ahead. This movie is based on a British TV series which predates me, but which I'd catch episodes of on cable TV when I was a kid. I found it fascinating at the time.

Wow, where to begin with this one? For starters, the movie begins with a loooong sequence of a spacecraft preparing for launch. It has multiple modules, and lucky us, we get to witness each one being attached to the main body of the craft...slowly. Later in the film, that fact that there are multiple modules comes into play, but this segment could've been reduced for pacing. It's almost as if the film is saying "There may still be people in the lobby buying popcorn and snacks...let's take our time with this scene."

The next thing I noticed is that there's a real over-complexity to things in the the Thunderbirds universe. For example, the guy in the control tower managing the whole "Let's put this spaceship together very slowly" sequence is seated in a round desk, which then descends multiple stories into the ground to arrive in some...other sort of area (mission control? maybe?), and then moves forward toward an area where astronauts are seated. I guess it adds a fantastical element to this kids movie, but it's not practical.

Even the pilots of the Thunderbird vehicles can never just walk up a gantry or climb a ladder to get into their vehicle. No. There's always some Rube Goldberg-esque series of rotating walls, slides, and conveyer belts to get them from Point A to Point B.

Another odd thing: When the film requires a close-up a characters hand (and there are more of them in this film than I think there are in any other film I've seen), rather than use a puppet's hand, they just show a real, human hand, doing whatever that hand was doing (pressing a button, attaching a lapel pin, etc.). It sort of takes you out of the...puppetness?...of the movie for a brief moment each time.

I mentioned this was a kids movie. Which is why I was surprised when a saboteur inside the spaceship gets his foot wedged within a piece of machinery, then frees himself and crawls to a hatch, with a bloody sock, dripping blood along the way.

Anyway, after the guy with the bloody foot in a kids movie jumps out, the spaceship crashes, and we learn that they're going to launch another. Only this time, the Thunderbirds will be standing by to make sure it launches without incident. All of them except Alan, whose Thunderbird is a submarine, and therefore not much help A) in the air, or B) in space. They also enlist the help of Lady Penelope and her chauffer...which is a good thing, because Bloody Foot Guy is back, but gets thwarted with Lady Penelope's help. He drives off to a dock and jumps in a boat (hey, maybe Alan would have been of use here!), but that's okay, because Lady Penelope's Rolls Royce doubles as a boat, and also has a gun that pokes out of the grill, which the chauffer uses to shoot down the helicopter which has picked up Bloody Foot Guy.

In my first laugh-out-loud moment of the film, Lady Penelope says "I don't think there's much point in looking for survivors" after the helicopter crashes into the ocean and explodes. Children's movie!

To celebrate the safe launch of the spacecraft, Lady Penelope and the three oldest Tracy brothers/Thunderbird pilots decide to...go clubbing. Yep. At a club called The Swinging Star! (Again: This is a Children's Movie!) Meanwhile, back on Tracy Island (Thunderbirds HQ), Alan is super bummed that he can't go clubbing with the rest of them, so he invites lab assistant Tin Tin to go with him to a club on the mainland...but Dad Tracy (head of the Thunderbirds, his first name escapes me) says "No", as the island must be manned at all times. 

Alan heads to bed, dejected, where he has a bizarre dream about going clubbing with Lady Penelope, at a different club named The Swinging Star which is actually in outer space. This long dream sequence includes a musical number by a contemporary (1960's) musical act. This part of the movie felt like it lasted half the runtime. It was like the movie took a break from itself.

Anyway, eventually both the movie and Alan wake up, the (albeit slow-moving) action continues, and the astronauts are on Mars, where they decide to shoot a funny looking rock to get a sample of it, only to learn that it's an alien, and all the other funny looking rock aliens take offense at this and try to kill them. I think, but am not sure, this sets up the problem which happens after they escape, which is that the ship can't land, due to damage by the aliens. I think. Maybe. They're not really clear about it.

The Tracys (or is it Tracies?) get wind that the spaceship is going to crash, and somebody makes the call to evacuate the town it's headed for (more on that in a bit). The astronauts are unable to get out, but who arrives and saves the day? Alan. Of course he does. He fixes the broken thingamajig which allows to crew to escape, before the spacecraft obliterates a town in this children's movie.

That last paragraph up there? That's almost the final third of the movie. Anyway, because Alan saved the day, Lady Penelope invites him to The Swinging Star, just the two of them. While there, she compliments him on the ridiculous fake moustache he is wearing (she refers to it as "snazzy") as a disguise so that no one will recognize him. It's the most memorable day of his life, he tells us. And to Lady Penelope he says "Tonight, being alone with you, I feel like a real grown man."

I laughed out loud when I saw that moustache.

But they're not alone, it turns out. Seated next to them, a man asks for a light for his cigar...and it's Dad Tracy. Also in disguise. As is the rest of the Tracy Family, and Tin-Tin (and Brains, a character I've neglected to mention)! All of the disguises are ridiculous.

And that's the end of the movie. Wait, no, actually a marching band is the final scene (real people, not puppets), and they play the puppets out.

As a personal epilogue to all of this, I described this whole thing to my wife, and had to show her the final scene, after which she correctly noted that nobody was on the island as they were all in this club, and asked how this was okay.

I have no idea.

Final Verdict

This is one of the most bizarre things I've watched in a long time. And it felt like a long time. The appeal of all of this as a kid is mostly lost to me as an adult, but man oh man is some of it just out of place and goofy. It's not without it's charm, but...wow.